Opertunities..

My whole life i've been waiting for this opertunitiy to grab and hold on too.. The problem is that when I get this, I always let someone else come first. There is always someone that has more influence on the thing i'm interested in.. I don't really know what i'm doing wrong, some people say they can't date me because i'm to nice, now whats that for a reason? I just have it in my self, that i can't be mean to girls, i can't pretend to be an asshole, when i'm really not one.

When I started high school, my life changed, for the better that is.. After some time, i've started looking for a possible girlfriend, and that's caused me alot of problems.. Now, there is this one girl that i've found, and I got some contact with her, not alot, but some.. I started to like her, more and more for everyday that went by, I saw her at school, I was constantly thinking about her, and I really liked being next to her.. Then I was thinking about how I could let her know that I was into her, without having to make a move, like all of a sudden, without knowing if she even had a thing for me.. I found out that the best thing to do was just to tell her how I felt, but that turned out to be a quest of it's own.. The right time never came, she didn't have time to meet me after school, and at school she always were with her friends.. Now, I have to say that I don't have the best selfasteam, and that i'm frigthent to tell someone that i'm into her..

Then, I get a message, from my bestfriend, "you know the girl you like is messing around with one of you're friends?" I was shocked, I got so angry, I didn't know what to do.. I told him that i was moving out of our workshop, and that i didnt want anything more to do with him, or anything around him.. That was acctually the first time I got to see him showing some emotion, and he said sorry, he knew that he had fucked up, considering he told me he would leave it, this time..

I didn't know what to do, i was so furious that i trew my telephone to hell, now i fucked that.. Now I don't really know what to do.. Maby I should still tell her? Without risking too fuck things up between her and the other guy.. But i think its time for me to put my self first for one time..

I've always been a person that other people has made me, ive never had thoughts about something, for my self, ive always taken what other people mean, and think.. I'm tired of this, i think its time to let my own light shine..

I beleive that the choices I make, is choices made by other people. Even though, i still live.. I think i should set a goal to tell her about this within a week.. This is going to be hard for me, but hey, thats life..